(I’m sure all the atheists rolled their eyes on reading the title.)

I’ve been lost these last couple of years. Wandering around with no firm destination in my head, I’ve always wanted to find a purpose. A purpose of my being. A reason for everything. A reason for me. And finally I think I’ve found it. No, it wasn’t soul searching that got me to the beginning of my path. It was a lot of messed up thoughts that forced me to seek out this purpose. Purpose to answer the biggest unsolved mystery. Does God exist?

Since the advent of coherent thoughts, mankind has debated over the existence of a force, a force much greater and beyond the understanding of man. God. The almighty. The ultimate force. The hope. The saviour. The destroyer. The provider. The creator. The protector. His/ her existence, the ultimate debate that has panned centuries, involved the greatest minds, been the reason for a thousand wars and still remained unanswered.

Does God exist? Is God a man or a woman or sexless? Is there a single God or are there multiple Gods? What form does God exist in? Is God omnipresent? If he is, why does he watch the world suffer? If God exists why do people fight over the form of his existence? Why does God standby and let people kill innocents in his name? Why does God not protect his followers? How does God decide which prayers to answer and which to ignore? Has God written down our destiny in advance for us? Has anyone ever seen God? These and so many more questions, unanswered.

Religions have tried their best to each give an answer to all these questions. Each advocates different ideologies. Scholars have tried to answer these questions too. None of the answers provided by either religion or scholars is good enough for me. When at my lowest, I yearn to talk to the Almighty. I yearn to get my doubts answered. I look for God all around. I look for God in people, statues, idols, photographs, places, etc. and yet he is no where to be found. Definitely my parents are the closest that I’ve gotten to being in God’s presence. Are they the closest I am going to get to the Almighty?

What is this great mystery that shrouds God? If God did exist, why isn’t his work more visible to us? Why aren’t we able to distinguish between his work and the demon’s work? Why does God prefer to work in hiding? Why doesn’t he let his glory shine so that we can revel in it?

Doubts or no doubts, for me God is a concept instilled deep into my soul by my God loving parents. Yes, I used the term ‘God loving’ and not ‘God fearing’. God fearing makes God seem like a policeman. God, in my opinion, is like a caring parent and hence, should be loved not feared. My parents, since childhood, have encouraged my sister and I to believe in the Almighty. They never forced a particular form of God on us, instead encouraged us to make our own choice of who we want to put our faith in. They took us to every temple of God and encouraged us to develop a faith that someone out there was watching over us and listening to our deepest desires. Over the years, I have often moved between a loyalist to an atheist only to realize that whether or not God exists, the idea of a guardian angel generates hope in the darkest moments. Hope. Hope keeps us all going. Hope is our fuel. Hope that tomorrow will be even better than today. Hope that our desires will be fulfilled. Hope that our nightmares will go away. Hope that the life we are leading will leave a mark. Hope keeps our faith alive. 

My quest, to have my questions about God answered, goes on. Yet,  I believe in some force out there working to make my life better tomorrow. And I hope that over the years this belief is strengthened. You can call it God, luck, destiny or fate. It is just a belief that at the end of the day everything will be okay. Isn’t that all the reassurance we need?