Discover prompts daily blog, today’s word is “below”.
My friends often joke about how I’m always overdressed. Every day I try to dress up – wear something smart, do a little bit of makeup and accessorise! And even now in quarantine, I try to wear something nice everyday and do myself up. Anybody who sees me would agree that I’m extremely confident and put together. A lot of this confidence I derive from my dressing & looking presentable. Why? Why do I do this? I get asked this a lot!I really like fashion and I love looking presentable. But I think a lot of this is rooted in my insecurities. It’s taken some courage to decide to write about this, so I hope you’ll be patient with me.
I was the chubby kid while growing up, the chubby friend and the chubby sister. I got teased a lot from when I was a child till very recently. I’ve been bullied because of how I looked. For a large part of my late teens & early twenties, I was very underconfident and didn’t let people get too close because I was afraid of people. All these years I was pretty much a tomboy. And then I discovered fashion! I realised that I couldn’t hide my fat but atleast I could dress it up to look like pretty/presentable fat. Dressing up made me feel confident like I could achieve anything. It became my way to battle all the demons that still fostered inside me.
On the outside I’d be a presentable, confident person but way below that tough exterior – pushed down but still around were all the insecurities. Over the past two years, I’ve managed to shed most of my extra weight by working out and changing my lifestyle. And the outer confident exterior has grown stronger than the demons below but they’re still there always waiting for a weak moment to rear out their ugly heads. Most days I win the battle against them but there are still days when I end up curled up in bed giving into them and believing I’m still not good enough.
This has been kind of a dark post and is ofcourse very personal. But if someone out there is also struggling with their insecurities – you’re not alone, my friend. Keep pushing them below when they start to rise up and one day they’ll lose their power to rise ever again!
Loads of love!