I’ve often wondered if we can estimate the value of the many relationships we have through our lives – relationships with family, friends, partners, colleagues, your organization? How do you know if you’re getting into something that is worth your while and energy? How do we estimate the value of relationships?
- How much you give vs how much you get – I think this is basic rule of thumb we follow for all our relationships – reciprocation of what we get. From something as basic as the value of gifts you buy for someone – they gifted you something worth X so I need to give them something worth X too. If we are putting in X amount of work in the organization but getting paid only for X/2 – is it worth it? Similarly in relationships, if you’re going out of you way to do/talk to someone but they aren’t reciprocating in the same way – is it worth it?
- Your own value/self worth – sometimes how you view yourself also determines the value and quality of the relationships you get involved in. As the popular quote goes ‘we accept the love we think we deserve’ – if you have a high self worth – you will keep expecting a lot more from the relationships you’re involved in, similarly if you have a low self worth – you will be happy with the little you keep getting.
- The past/ Sentimental value – In the movie ‘Sex and The City’ – Samantha finds it hard to break up with her boyfriend. Her reasoning – ‘he stayed with me through chemotherapy, I should be able to stay in the relationship with him’. Often the grand gestures done in the past is how we value the relationship in the present. Sometime we determine the value of the relationship from the length of the relationship. We often value our childhood friends more than newer friends based on the length of our association with them and sentimental value of our relationship.
- The value they add to your life – Often we determine the value of a relationship basis the value they add to your life at present. We often outgrow people as we grow and let them go as they no longer add value to our lives. Similarly with jobs that don’t add value to us, don’t help us grow – we end up moving on from them.
- Family first – Often the relationships we have by birth hold the most value – putting family before everything else.
I’m sure you are wondering the point of this blog. I have been having serious thoughts about all the relationships I have – trying to understand the value they add to my life. (Yes, very dark thoughts but I guess adulting does that to you) So often we outgrow people, things, places, organizations and keep holding to them – which is the point at which you should let go? How do you really determine the value of your relationships? Can we even determine the value of relationships?
Happy Panda 
Relationships are hard to decipher. You never know what step you would be taking next and if it will destroy or weave the broken relationship.
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True, the relationships we have can be rated by how we value them, but sometimes we find we were wrong! Sometimes we overvalue relationships we actually need to exit, and undervalue others which we actually needed to hold more precious! This is very complicated!
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Thought-provoking post~
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Thank you – I wish it was easier to understand relationships!
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Relationships are HARD. Your writing really hits all the main points and summarizes it well 🙂
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I’ve never really asked myself how exactly I determine their value. Holding on to something that is tired and ready to go is exhausting.
All the best with this!
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Thank you! I’ve never done it too – but I was in this situation recently that just sparked this thought and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. 🙂
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Yes it’s TRUE
Sometimes we do overvalue the relationships we have. Thats what makes it complicated
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That’s true – we overvalue some relationships, we undervalue some – I wish relationships came with a manual sometimes 😀
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I love this post✨✨It made me think. You are right, we often outgrow people and it’s the dilemma it presents whether to let go of them or hold onto them. It’s an ongoing process. xx
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Agreed, it is an ongoing process as we grow up! I wish adulting was easier though. Argh!
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Good Relationships are treasures of life cause we put our time and energy in it. And we cannot put a price tag on our time invested. If a relationship is draining your energy then weigh the pros and cons and take a decision. I believe in doing justice to myself and others.
Apurva | http://www.buildyourpersona.com
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This was so thought provoking, some very interesting points that made me think 🙂😅. Usually I think about just, If you are happy in any relationship (happy spending time with them) — it’s valuable. Maybe there’s more to consider, like you wrote. 😲🙌✨
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Wonderfully written!! I wanted to read something like this from so long…I had many questions and by reading this those questions got an answer, thank you!😄🤗
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Aww thank you for reading! I’m still confused and figuring out relationships but it feels better to know I’m not alone. 🤗
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Very interesting topic! I think we tend to value more friendships made in our childhood because they were longer, but also because it was pretty much the only thing we had – and I feel like we don’t put as much effort in current friendships when we are adults as we did when we were kids (does that make any sense?). Family is of course a very important source of relationships to have, but not all of us are gifted with a family that lifts us up, and having to let go of a family member can sometimes be very beneficial, though really painful. In the end, I personnally think that I am better at estimating the value of a relationship when I take a step back or look at it under very objective lenses!
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