It’s Valentine’s Day soon and somehow I can’t stop thinking about how we spent it together last year.
It felt like destiny (to me) that first moment our eyes met. The loud music of the party ceased to ring in my ears, all I could hear was the thumping of my heart. Flushed, I looked at you hoping you wouldn’t notice the colour that had risen in my cheeks since your arrival. You chatted with my friends and I kicked myself for not being able to think of something smart to say to attract your attention. You moved on to party the night away with you friends and your dimpled smile left me with a mild heart break.
A few days later, mid way through cooking lunch, I glanced through the new notifications on my phone. The flatmate messaging group abuzz with bitching about our rent hike, grinning, I scrolled on and there you were in my notifications. 1 NEW FOLLOW REQUEST! I spent the night waiting for you to initiate conversation but nada.
Swipe left, swipe left, swipe left – I swiped left in frustration. Sitting in office on a boring Monday, wondering why there wasn’t one decent single boy out there for me to date. It had been a while since I had been on a date – maybe I was expecting too much. And there you were, again, almost like I had willed you on to the app and into liking my profile. Heart racing, I swiped right!
It was finally date night – exactly a month after our first meeting! The night started off awkwardly but some light banter, a few drinks, a cheesy pizza and a few trashy movies later – I was the happiest girl! Butterflies screamed havoc in my stomach as you slipped my hand into yours. And then I leaned into the most perfect moment of my life.
I wish everything after had been perfect too but I wouldn’t be writing this letter then…
She came back, you were confused and things were never as perfect as that moment. In an ideal world, I would have professed my love to you and asked you to choose me but in this practical world, letting go seemed easier. Maybe it wasn’t destiny that brought us together, maybe it was sheer dumb luck. So instead I chose to enjoy our moments together, stolen from destiny – the mid-work coffee breaks, the trashy movie outings, smoking up and laughing till our insides hurt, last Valentine’s day – moments that to me were perfection.
I don’t think of you often anymore but every now and then – someone’s smile reminds me of that damn dimple or a relatable meme will take me back in time or just someone with a similar name will remind of that boy I fell for in one glance. And every single time you cross my mind – my phone buzzes – and your name flashes – making me believe that our fates are intertwined in some way. And every single time I think, what if..?
Yours no more I might still be in love with you I know you care about me too
Hope you’re happy, babe!
Happy Valentine’s Day.
This is a fictional letter though I did seek some inspiration from my dating life. Writing a letter to the one that got away always seems like such a beautiful end to something that might have been. Also, just because it didn’t work out with someone – doesn’t mean you still can’t be friends. Do you have a one that got away? What would you say to them?
Want to be friends outside the blogsphere ?
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- January 2023 Check-in: Where Have I Been?
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