Every time I meet a girl friend for dinner and we each hop into a cab to head home, the last thing we say to each other is “text me once you reach home”. Most of the times, we text each other till we each don’t reach the safe bounds of our homes. As much as this tradition is endearing to me, it also always bothers me since I’d very rarely ask a male friend to text me to let me know he had reached home ‘safely’. I used to think that this was just a tradition that we girls followed in India but it seems like a fairly common practice followed across the world. So I came up with a list of things that I want to do but don’t only because of my gender.
Here is my list –
- Go for midnight walks/cycling, while listening to music and enjoying the quiet
- Go dancing with my girl friends and dance till the pub shuts and take a cab home without a second thought
- Travel solo around the world, to the remotest of places, in crowded buses and trains, and walk around at odd hours looking for spots to catch sunrise
- Go for a long hike all alone – be by myself in nature for a few days
- Wear whatever I want, wherever I want, whenever I want
- Talk nicely with the opposite gender without them thinking that I am flirting or ‘easy’
- Wear red lipstick and not attract attention
- Call out an office superior on their sexist remarks
- Be able to physically protect my fellow women and myself
- Be able to do more than just post an aghast post on social media every time a heinous crime is committed against a woman
- Be able to report all types of sexual misconduct and know that the laws are strong enough to get some justice
I know this is a bummer of a post in the middle of all the holiday posts but some things really need to change for women and soon – like 2022 soon! Here’s hoping. What are some things that you hope will change for your gender in 2022? I’d love to read some male perspective too!
Go check out my other recent posts since I’m doing a post daily till New Year –
Happy Panda 
Your list is pretty cool and traveling alone can be frightening sometimes but if you are confident enough can be cool… would you travel internationally alone to a country you never been before?
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Thank you!
I have done multiple solo trips including international ones. 🙂
But I wasn’t confident enough to roam around very late at night in any of the places, alone. I’d go back to my accommodation by 11 – a self imposed curfew.
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How many countries have you travelled to and how was the treatment when they realize you are south African?
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Aah, I’ve overall travelled to 15-16 countries. Solo to only 2 countries.
Also I’m Indian not South African but I’m guessing our experiences would be similar. I’ve only felt a lil bit of racism in some European places – I felt they were warmer towards fair skinned people. But overall nothing major thats hampered my travel or spirit. 🙂
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You are a real traveler, 15 countries is no child play. Some countries are really not welcoming of people with black skin and it’s now worse than before since COVID-19 but that’s no reason for stopping to travel. Sorry I thought you were south African but nonetheless we are all African and please do post pics of your trips.
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Solo trip yaaay !!!
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I can relate to all of these on the list, it is dreadful that there are so many things as women we cannot do but should not even to have to think twice about. While there are some things I do anyway, such as walking at night, I don’t feel 100% safe. Anyways, hope you had a good Christmas.
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I know what you mean – I do do some of these things but the entire time there is this nagging fear at the back of my head. 🙈
I did – hope you had a good Christmas too. 🌲
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I completely agree with you. The violence in this world, particularly against women, is so heartbreaking. We should have very right to be able to safely leave our homes whenever we want – but we can’t because we’re scared of what could happen! Thanks for raising awareness on this, hopefully one day we can live in a world where we can :))
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Seriously! It’s heartbreaking to see that we aren’t able to even just go for a walk at night while being wholly comfortable. Hopefully things will change soon for all of us. ❤️
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This was a really great list, and I most definitely can relate to multiple points. It’s really such a sad reality that we can’t enjoy most things without constantly having that irrational fear of something happening: in some cases, it really takes a lot of confidence to go against society and its rules. I hope this situation can change someday
Hope you had a merry Christmas!
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Truly – I hate how I feel a little scared just doing something like walking back home late at night. I wish it didn’t have to be that way and hope that it changes in the future. 🙂
Happy Holidays ❤
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Fantastic post! Maybe my favorite so far! This shit needs to be talked about, even among women. Because we as women even tend to forget and take for granted how many things we just don’t feel safe doing. I’m starting to feel dread about dating again because when looking for a new sexual partner, I have to juggle trying to be sexually free and sexually expressive, but also make sure he won’t rape or abuse me in the process. Because date and relationship rape happen to women as well, it’s not just strangers. So, yeah, that’s something that I’m 💯 certain that men don’t ever and have never had to worry about 🙄 And would be amazing to live in a world where we didn’t have to worry about this.
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Yesssss! I really want to live in a world where everyone feels equally safe doing the same things. Hopefully we’ll bring a change!
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I love your list! Here’s one thing I do and I hope other women adopt this. It’s a new version of Girl Code: You will alert other women to creepy guys. If a woman tells you about a creepy guy, believe her!
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Yes yes yes! Definitely looking out for each other and ‘sisters before misters’. I hate when women doubt other women’s narratives. Hopefully we’ll all stand up for each other more in the future.
Having said this, I also feel like we need to be more honest with our women friends. Like when their behaviour is problematic we should tell them that too.
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Having gone to a historically women’s college, I am all for being honest about creeps. Also, I am for being honest about a friend’s problematic behaviour, but there are situations where it can turn toxic. I was eventually able to figure out the nuances of it and that was a great thing
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This rings true! However some of those things aren’t necessarily safe for men, since there are criminals and drug addicts looking for a quick score who see a man alone late at night as a target. If a man gets sexually assaulted, he won’t necessarily report it because of the shame. Men can be targets for violence too, depending upon if they seem effeminate, if they’re a different skin color from the neighborhood they’re in, if they’re too ‘macho’ they’re seen as a challenge for a fight, if they’re too short/skinny/fat/different.
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PS: Happy Holidays!
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Agreed. But those situations would be equally dangerous for a woman too.
In general, it is very unfair that my brother gets to stay out till whenever he wants and my parents start freaking out if I’m not home before 11PM. 😦
Happy Holidays, Tamara! Hope you are having a wonderful time! 🙂
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Thanks so very much! Yes, we are having a wonderful time together!
Your parents know the reality of how it is for a girl or woman so they are doing this to protect you (plus your reputation no doubt!) Having partied a little when I was younger (I wasn’t a big partier, preferred being home), I saw that the later the evening got, the more alcohol was consumed, the more people let go of their inhibitions! Once the inhibitions got loosened, well, I don’t have to spell all that out! Your parents no doubt don’t want you to be a party girl who regularly loses her inhibitions! 😉😬😬
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seek peace
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Perpetually on a quest for peace. The world hampers my speed.
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what s the hurry daughter? where s ya fire. why for do you so conspire?
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Close the gender pay gap! So many inequities in corporate culture….
Great post, Moksha! I also do the same with my girlfriends.. If I’m dropping them off, I wait for them to walk through the door or text each other when we reach home. 😊We take care of each other!
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Yessss! Sexism in the corporate world is nuts! So many women get passed over for promotions because their seniors feel like they’ll have kids and that will come in the way of their work. Recently, I was talking to a college senior for some help regarding growing my business, he point blank tells me – “why are you doing all of this? you are going to get married and have kids soon and then career will take a back seat, you should not get into business and all.” *BIGGEST SIGH*
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Oh this is so true! Especially the text me when u reach home part
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Yesss! The worst part is when a friend forgets to reply and tell me they’ve reached home – the panic that sets in!!!
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Your list is amazing! 🙂 Traveling alone and feeing comfortable taking night classes are on my list!
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You can do all of these if men learn to behave and treat women respectfully.
I wish that time come soon!!
Best wishes to you and your blogs
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Here’s hoping it does change atleast for future generations! 🤞
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I wonder how and when that can happen.
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