Screenshotted Emotions

I’m someone who always has a lot of screenshots on their phone. While till a few years back my phone would be filled with screenshots of conversations or posts from Instagram, now they are filled with work-related screenshots. While clearing out my google photos I came across a bunch of screenshots fromFebruary 2019. Most of the screenshots were quotes about moving on and giving love another chance. I was nursing a bad heartbreak and considering giving dating a chance. These quotes used to give me so much hope.

With Valentine’s day around the corner, and being single, I’ve been thinking a lot about love. While I’m not big on Valentine’s Day (I think it is a corporate holiday created to make you spend money on useless stuff), I am big on celebrating love. I saw this video on Instagram just yesterday – wherein a couple of guys are standing on a street with a board that says ‘we’ll pay you $5 if you call someone and tell them that you love them’. One man calls his friend and another calls his mother – and their conversations are so cute and they make them feel so happy that they refuse the money. My heart was filled with so much warmth after seeing this and I decided that I’d message a few friends and my family and tell them ‘I love them’. But as I started to do it – I just found myself choking up. As much as I am an emotional person, I have stopped being vulnerable over the past few years. I’ve stopped showing emotions in front of people and this blog is probably the only place where I express them.

It probably sounds a little sad to read but for most of my life I was very expressive with my feelings and a few years back realized that the world and people around me saw that as a weakness. I was the kind of person who ended up crying in front of my project manager on my first job because I realized I had made a mistake in a project. No one else had realized it but I came clean to my manager and just realizing that I might be disappointing her made me tear up. Once I moved to a different city, every time I’d come visiting home and then leave to go back, I’d tear up at the airport saying goodbye to my family. But with time I realised that my vulnerability and general sensitivity was seen as my weakness. Obviously tearing up at work is something that one should avoid but even the people I interacted with, I felt like my vulnerability gave them power over me. And so I stopped being vulnerable with people. I still have a HUGE range of emotions but I process them when I’m alone at night.

As I went through those screenshots, I realized that I used to spend so much time thinking about love, pain and emotions. Now, it feels like those emotions got left behind in those screenshots. I don’t let myself dwelve too much on an emotion especially if that emotion is pain. I do process the emotions but faster and in a more mechanical way. This helps me recover from emotional setbacks faster.

I know this a very random post but as I sit here overthinking how difficult I found texting my best friend to tell her that I love her, I am amazed at how easy I find sharing my thoughts on here. I’ve lucky to have a found a kind community on here that makes me feel safe enough to share all my craziest thoughts. So thank you for being a part of that community and thank you reading all my random thoughts and still making sense of it.

I wanted to share the screenshots that started off this post –

(not sure who wrote this)

Words: @rainbowsalt (IG)
Words: @rainbowsalt (IG)

To everybody that is struggling with baggage as I am, it is okay to be work in progress. Perfection is overrated. Take your time to find yourself and heal yourself. Heal yourself so that whatever beautiful is waiting for you in the future, isn’t hurt by your past baggage.

And to whoever needs to hear this today, I love you and I’m proud of you.

And if you are reading this right now, pick up your phone and text a friend or family member and tell them that you love them! ❤

If you haven’t already, check out my other recent posts –

31 Comments Add yours

  1. Jas krish says:

    You are right ..expression of emotions is seen as a sort of weakness. One is judged by people for being a emotional fool. Well, I think expression of emotions just shows that you are humane.
    Stay blessed..May you get the best in your life .🙏🌹🙏

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Thank you for saying that. I just feel like it gives people power over you – knowing that you are emotional and that has made me shut out people. 🙈 But I am working on it.

      Like

      1. Jas krish says:

        🙏🌹🌹🙏

        Like

  2. Girrrrrrl I’m the QUEEN of screenshots! And I just screenshotted all your screenshots! 🤣 When I was going through my phone to archive (I couldn’t delete them) all my Mike photos, I wanna say 50% were screenshots of his sweet texts, cute things he’d send me, or quotes like this. Same same! I hope you don’t beat yourself up too much about your emotions. They’re an amazing tool to have access to that some people really struggle to access. And I feel your pain about getting shit for being too emotional. I think age teaches me balance and I’ve learned over time how to bring my emotions into balance. But just know there’s nothing wrong with you! Emotions are part of being a person 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Aww, I know what you feel about those screenshots. I had saved so many messages, chats, and letters from my ex till even years after our break-up. 🙈

      I don’t know why it makes me feel weak to show my emotions to people. I guess I’ve gotten into the habit of showing that I have it altogether. 😢

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Or maybe because you’ve been told by too many people that it’s wrong or something. If that’s the case, don’t listen to them, listen to me ha! 🤣 And trust me when I say it’s ok and a good thing 🌺

        Like

  3. vaniheart says:

    I also stopped showcasing my emotions infront of everyone…though tearing up is something i just cannot control….how i want to stop myself from tearing up every now and then 🙃 but no progress 🙃
    Anyways i love all of the screenshots and the beautiful messages they convey ❤ 💙

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      I totally get you. It took me a long time to stop tearing up in front of people too. I started using this tactic of looking away and staring at something for a few seconds so that I stop tearing up. I don’t know why having emotions makes us feel weak. 😦

      Like

  4. https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

    I’m a HUGE fan of quotes and the power they lend to us to overcome and change. I realized that I identified strongly with what someone else was experiencing or learning because it made me feel less alone in my journey; here was someone else who had experienced the same things!

    I think most of us learn to hide our emotions, not only do many see them as a weakness but they will use them against us, so experience teaches us to hide, to create barriers in order to protect ourselves!

    I have found that writing and blogging helps we to process my feelings and has helped me to remove some of those walls to be able to share and possibly help others.

    Blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      I hope blogging helps me too then. I’ve become so closed up with my emotions but I want to be able to be vulnerable with those close to me. Thank you for giving me hope. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

        My pleasure! I’m sure it was writing about the different self help topics that really helped me. Kind of like very focused Journalling!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m really not into Valentine’s Day either, but thank you for the lovely post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      I mean should just be celebrating love every day instead of waiting for ONE day. Thank you for reading! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  6. bosssybabe says:

    Okay I thought I was the only one who saved screenshots in my camera roll lol… sometimes I come across something so powerful and relatable to my situation at the time or something that brings me back such vivid memory of my past self that I feel like I need to save it so I can revisit it again later or be more thoughtful about it…

    I, too, am a very emotional being and for so long I was made to feel bad about being so so I tried to be the opposite. I became cold and grew a tough exterior shell. In order to prevent the emotions from spilling over, I had to cut ALL emotions completely (this was more so related to work).

    Perfection is overrated!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      I know what you mean!!! I don’t know why I’ve always felt like my emotions are a weakness. At my first job right out of college, I ended up crying 2-3 times in front of my manager (granted I was also sleep deprived – one of those consulting jobs where you had to work ALL day). But with my last corporate job, I tried to really be a badass bitch and hide my emotions. I used to go to the washroom and cry instead. 😛
      But yeah, it feels better to have no emotions but I don’t know how to be vulnerable with those around me too. I find myself clamming up when I start sharing my feelings. *SIGH*

      Liked by 1 person

  7. tanvibytes says:

    I love these kind of “random” posts, that make me stop and think… I take so many screenshots– of anything I find interesting! Loved this post and just texted one of my friends who I haven’t spoken to in a few days 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Your comment made this post worth it. ❤
      Love how everyone keeps screenshots – I thought I was the odd one out. 🙂

      Like

  8. petespringerauthor says:

    Not much of a screenshot guy, but I am a feelings guy. I understand that the standard may not be the same at work, but I’m unapologetically sensitive (In a good way). I know we guys are supposed to be all tough and masculine, and I’ve got some of that too, but the way we connect most with others is by showing empathy and our true feelings. Now, while I wish I didn’t cry over dumb things like dog food commercials, I have no problems telling my friends I care and love them. Thirty-five years in with Mrs. Springer and feel blessed every day.

    Like

  9. I’m sure this would’ve taken a bit of courage to write, really enjoyed reading it! I’m interested to go through all my screenshots and see what the common emotion or theme is now! Lol

    Like

  10. Saumya B says:

    I know right, if I think of it now, screenshots folder in the gallery is probably the most secret one and all the secrets just get lost in it because it gets filled up with social science notes screenshots and maths solutions!! Most people would just forget and delete it, but it’s so good to see you’re strong enough to look back to the things you saved while you were going through a breakdown and share it with us! ♡♡

    Like

  11. Srishty says:

    I know this post was probably meant for highlighting another aspect but I want to call out one thing. While everybody works different ways, it feel lighter when I share my feelings with the people I want to. Knowing you since long, I would probably think that some of the discomfort in being vulnerable could also be because of being self critical, while not everyone you have been vulnerable to would have judged you as weak or whatever. Aside this, I wanted to give an example of a friend who is not super open to sharing her own feelings but I have never felt any discomfort in sharing mine with her. Its only been helpful. She may have been judgemental about the things I am going through in her own mind, but thats regular human nature. If you tell me something, I am bound to think something in my head, but it may still mean that I am here for you.

    Like

  12. Happy Panda says:

    Aww, I know what you feel about those screenshots. I had saved so many messages, chats and letters from my ex till even years after our break-up. 🙈

    I don’t know why it makes me feel weak to show my emotions to people. I guess I’ve gotten into the habit of showing that I have it altogether. 😢

    Like

  13. Candy🍫 says:

    Awww! it was so heart touching….and absolutely true. Lovely post!

    Like

  14. “Corporate holiday to make us spend our money”
    Pretty sure thing. haha.

    Like

  15. Ib Adepoju says:

    Thank you for the screenshots! I needed them. I’m also someone that is very expressive and vulnerable. I cried just this evening while having a conversation with my friend and so many times I say I’m going to stop being so open and expressive about my emotions but I can’t. It’s just who I am

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      I so get you. It’s really good to be emotional in a world that is often so cold. So never change. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ib Adepoju says:

        I won’t, thank you❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Ohhh wowwww few days my brother was going through my phone and he saw all my screenshots and he asked me if I ever go back to read and I said yes I do!!! He said there is no way I still go back to so many screenshots. 🤣🤣🤣i laughed because I actually do go back to them

    Like

  17. Oh my gosh I cleaned out my photos and had tons of screenshots that cracked me up or told a story about what I was feeling at the time.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s