Grab your popcorn and get ready to get some interesting insights into what sort of a dater I am. I recently noticed that all of my previous dating posts talk about dating fails that highlight the red flags of the men I’ve tried to date and probably gives the impression that I am free of faults, which is SO far from the truth. I am on a self-improvement journey and have analyzed my repeated behaviours over the past few years to discover the things that I need to work on. Have I neutralized all my red flags? Not yet. But I’m a work in progress.
WHAT ARE MY DATING RED FLAGS??
- I used to like to be in control of everything. I used to like to choose everything and liked to control the person I was dating. But I am more laidback now and I prefer if someone else takes control of the wheel. But in some matters I still like to be in control. Eg: drawing my comfort zone boundaries.
- Even when I can tell that I am not romantically into someone, I still try dating them if they are nice men hoping I’ll eventually develop feelings for them. I’ve met some really nice guys and unfortunately I haven’t felt romantically attracted to them. But when in the situation, I force myself to keep dating them because they are nice, decent, fun guys that I get along well with. Most of the times in such situations I’ve gotten frustrated in a few weeks and ended up pushing them away by creating problems. It’s a little sad because I would have liked to be friends with these men.
- When I start liking someone, I lose all my confidence and start doubting myself. I’ve been an insecure person for most of my life. Having been bullied and made fun of because of my weight issues – I lacked confidence. Over the past few years, I lost weight, discovered my confidence and started to love myself. Yet the second I start liking liking someone, I start losing my confidence. I start putting them on a pedestal and picking flaws in myself. Again, I’m working on myself. If you read my post about ‘accepting my flaws‘ you’ll know that I’m working on falling in love with myself. I hope to break out of this pattern soon.
- I am terrified of strong feelings, having them for someone or someone having them for me. My first instinct is to RUN whenever I encounter strong feelings from either side. I’m still working on this one but I guess when it’s with the right guy I won’t feel paralysed with terror at the idea of feeling real emotions?
- Being attracted to drama and toxic guys. This has been the toughest pattern to break out of but I think I’m finally there. Am I still attracted to the drama involved with dating a toxic man? YES! But do I indulge in that attraction? NO!
Those are some of my many ‘dating’ red flags. I feel good that I’ve identified them and am working on them. Some are easier to work on, some stem from my previous bad experiences in the love arena, and are harder to change. But I’m proud of myself for working on improving.
Do you try to identify your red flags and work on them?
If you are wondering what a red flag is as per dictionary.com –
The Red Flag, officially known as Triangular Flag, depicts a triangular red flag on a pole. Because a triangular red flag is often used to signal danger, this emoji is commonly used to refer to dangerous situations or to warn people of bad ideas or potential problems.
On social media, the red flag is used in the context of dating and relationships to refer to a sign that a person will turn out to be (or is) a bad or problematic partner.
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