Grab your popcorn and get ready to get some interesting insights into what sort of a dater I am. I recently noticed that all of my previous dating posts talk about dating fails that highlight the red flags of the men I’ve tried to date and probably gives the impression that I am free of faults, which is SO far from the truth. I am on a self-improvement journey and have analyzed my repeated behaviours over the past few years to discover the things that I need to work on. Have I neutralized all my red flags? Not yet. But I’m a work in progress.
WHAT ARE MY DATING RED FLAGS??
- I used to like to be in control of everything. I used to like to choose everything and liked to control the person I was dating. But I am more laidback now and I prefer if someone else takes control of the wheel. But in some matters I still like to be in control. Eg: drawing my comfort zone boundaries.
- Even when I can tell that I am not romantically into someone, I still try dating them if they are nice men hoping I’ll eventually develop feelings for them. I’ve met some really nice guys and unfortunately I haven’t felt romantically attracted to them. But when in the situation, I force myself to keep dating them because they are nice, decent, fun guys that I get along well with. Most of the times in such situations I’ve gotten frustrated in a few weeks and ended up pushing them away by creating problems. It’s a little sad because I would have liked to be friends with these men.
- When I start liking someone, I lose all my confidence and start doubting myself. I’ve been an insecure person for most of my life. Having been bullied and made fun of because of my weight issues – I lacked confidence. Over the past few years, I lost weight, discovered my confidence and started to love myself. Yet the second I start liking liking someone, I start losing my confidence. I start putting them on a pedestal and picking flaws in myself. Again, I’m working on myself. If you read my post about ‘accepting my flaws‘ you’ll know that I’m working on falling in love with myself. I hope to break out of this pattern soon.
- I am terrified of strong feelings, having them for someone or someone having them for me. My first instinct is to RUN whenever I encounter strong feelings from either side. I’m still working on this one but I guess when it’s with the right guy I won’t feel paralysed with terror at the idea of feeling real emotions?
- Being attracted to drama and toxic guys. This has been the toughest pattern to break out of but I think I’m finally there. Am I still attracted to the drama involved with dating a toxic man? YES! But do I indulge in that attraction? NO!
Those are some of my many ‘dating’ red flags. I feel good that I’ve identified them and am working on them. Some are easier to work on, some stem from my previous bad experiences in the love arena, and are harder to change. But I’m proud of myself for working on improving.
Do you try to identify your red flags and work on them?
If you are wondering what a red flag is as per dictionary.com –
The Red Flag, officially known as Triangular Flag, depicts a triangular red flag on a pole. Because a triangular red flag is often used to signal danger, this emoji is commonly used to refer to dangerous situations or to warn people of bad ideas or potential problems.
On social media, the red flag is used in the context of dating and relationships to refer to a sign that a person will turn out to be (or is) a bad or problematic partner.
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Happy Panda 
I so love all your points here and feel the same for most of them. The only difference is the I’ve learnt to accept the highs with the lows. It’s a tough journey but worth it. Good luck on your journey ❤️
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Great content
Best wishes 🙂
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Nice one…self doubt is dangerous in a relationship because it will allow your partner to take advantage of you if your partner is a bad person and I think we all have rooms of improvement in our relationships but as for me just like you I used to go for anyone thinking I’ll learn to love the person and that has not worked out great for me either. By the way in my country chubby women are trending now and I have to say that most of guys prefer them so chubby women should be proud and confident and don’t change unless you are doing it for you personally not for society.
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Omg M, you are seriously mini-Me!!!!! This is so relatable and I feel like I’m listening to my younger self. If it makes you feel better, I don’t really have any issues anymore with any of the things you mentioned in this article. And I can seriously relate to feeling each and every one of those and trying to break out of those patterns. I don’t know how I did it exactly but just know that you won’t always be this way, and you’ll outgrow things that don’t work anymore. You’re such a goddess!!!
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I’ve dated guys I’m not into way too long too 😅. It sucks when he’s a great guy but you don’t develop feelings for him.
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Right?? It almost feels like a crime – not wanting to be with them. Especially when you meet a genuinely nice guy like once in a whileee.
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This is great that you are talking about your red flags too … like we all have some.
And you are just to pretty , so never self doubt yourself again…
Also Happy holi
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Thank you, love.
Happy Holi! Hope you had an amazing holi! ❤
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We’re all works in progress—it’s not an exclusive list. I suspect that many of your red flags are those that others have. Online dating wasn’t around when I was dating—you know, back with the dinosaurs.
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Mine used to be going with my gut feel about a person rather than considering issues that were always going to be a deal breaker in the long term (including living on a different continent!)
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OMG. I used to do that too. Infact the first guy I met when I started online dating 3 years back was moving to a different country (right after our first date) and I actually considered continuing to date him. 😀
Now life has made me super practical about love and dating.
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Oh man, that was like reading about myself. I like being in control too although I’ve gotten better at letting some things go. I also am not a fan of strong feelings and that’s why I’m somewhat of a commitment phob. My instincts usually tell me to run too lol 😂 I do tend to have a weakness for toxic men as well 😳 I am trying to work on my red flags but it’s not always that easy if I’m being honest lol!
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Oh this is very relatable! I think being attracted to “toxic” guys is a very common pattern and I’m pretty sure society plays a huuge role in this, sadly… I’d say the first step (and one of the hardest) is recognising it, even though breaking out of that pattern is quite hard to do!
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Great post Ru but you have no red flags.. lol. Stay away from those toxic guys! 💖🌻
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Oh damn, Moksha. When did you crawl into my head?? Great post!
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This is a great post topic. But it’s been so long since I’ve dated ;P that I’m struggling to remember what my red flags were. I think it’s mostly intuitive. And like you’ve already said, getting out of your own way. I feel like we have too many expectations — and I’d get very nervous, too, until I learned to pretend that when I was on a date that the guy was gay. It helps me get to know them without the butterflies. 😉
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