Dating Life: What I Want In A Man?

While growing up I had this long checklist of what my ‘prince charming’ will be like – tall, dark, dimples, rich, funny, etc. But over the past 3-4 years, the list has gotten a lot shorter and way more practical. The men I’ve dated have helped me identify the qualities I’d appreciate in the person I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. So what do I want in a man?

  • Kindness and genuinely nice: These qualities are extremely rare to find these days. There is this word in an Indian language (Malayalam) – ‘Paavam’ which means someone who has a pure heart. I know you all are wondering if there is anyone that really can fit this bill but I have met a handful of people in my life whom I’ve instantly felt this vibe of kindness and purity from. You instantly feel safe with them. I want this in whoever I do end up dating long-term.
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  • Aligned goals: I have different parameters of success and happiness in life than just being rich. I hope to be with someone who aligns with those goals. Someone who chooses mental peace over aiming to be on the Forbes Billionaire’s list. Someone who wants to spend on experiences over materialistic possessions. Also, someone who has the same family goals – I don’t want to have biological children, so someone who also wants the same things in life.
  • Patience: I need someone who is patient enough to deal with me when I’m going through my anxious phases. I can be pretty difficult to deal with since I like being cut off from everyone during such phases.
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  • Respectful: I can’t deal with an egoistic man. I hope to find someone who is respectful of me as well as everyone else he interacts with.
  • Makes me feel safe enough to be vulnerable: I hate being venerable with people. I am just very closed off with sharing my feelings and emotions. I want to find someone who makes me feel safe enough to want to be vulnerable with them. It would also help to not spark my anxiety.

And that’s it…..

I’d love a tall guy but that isn’t a firm requirement just a fringe benefit if he happens to be tall. But yeah, that’s my list of things I look for in a man. Like I said the list has gotten way shorter from when I was younger and dreamy but it’s also become realistic. I also understand that I might not get someone who checks off all these qualities. I think these qualities in a person make me thrive and help me feel less anxious. I hope I find him soon. *Fingers crossed*

What are your favourite qualities in your partner? If you’re single, what do you look for in your partner?

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21 Comments Add yours

  1. Storyteller says:

    You make me laugh. I had a long list in my 20s but as you say it is the things on the inside that count. It is when you realise this you can find a great partner.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Definitely. It took a while to realise what’s on the inside matters way more. I hope I find him soon.
      *Fingers crossed*

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Storyteller says:

        Can’t be balding was on the list. Married a man going bald.

        Like

  2. Such a beautiful list! I think kindness above all else is really the best, and I agree, it seems hard to find, even though it shouldn’t be! I think you can 💯 find someone like this though, and you without a doubt deserve it!!! My list is still kinda the same. Although I find I no longer need certain things from a man that I thought I used to. I always wanted a man who made me feel beautiful and loved my legs (bc I hate my legs). And my ex always always made me feel gorgeous, even right up until the end, and he actually LOVED my legs. And now that he’s gone, I feel beautiful on my own without any compliments from others, so I might not need that anymore, although of course it’s nice to hear. But I think that was a nice thing that he and that relationship gave me. Perhaps that healed a part of me that was insecure. I def want someone with some financial security. He doesn’t need to be crazy rich, but I’ve worked really hard to manage my money and I want someone who’s at least doing the same. And mostly, I want someone who wants to be with me! Because that seems to be what went wrong with the last one 🤣😭💔 Great post, great list!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      I so get that – when I look back on my dating life, I truly feel like I met some men at some points of my life to help me deal with something going on then but not for long term.
      Financial security is definitely important.
      Aww, I’m sure you’re going to find someone amazing soon. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This is such a genuine post and told a lot about you!!
    I think it’s very hard to express exactly what one desires. You have shared things that are realistic and understandable, best wishes to you Happy panda.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Thank you 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  4. https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

    Two marriages and two divorces later, I absolutely agree with you!

    I’ve also learned to look deeper when a man appears to show these qualities because there are some men who are adept at figuring out what a woman is looking for and then presenting themself as being that person! Honestly, the best way to determine if they’re real is through time! When men are faking it, it’s difficult for them to sustain it for a long time, so their real nature sneaks in!

    Women misunderstand this phenomenon and assume the real person was who he first presented himself as being, and that the “other person” they’re seeing isn’t really him, so they start to make excuses for him to themselves and with other people! That’s a big warning for all of us! When that starts to happen, we need to take the blinders off!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Agreed!!! My friends and I’ve had these experiences where a man was something else when we started dating and a year or so in, he was a different man. And we kept saying- he can change back to what he was not realising that this is the real him. 😥

      Now I know better! I hope I find someone genuinely nice. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

        That’s where we get good and fooled! That’s the real man, the other was the fantasy man he played!! 😬😬

        Like

  5. simplyjaneen says:

    I like the list, I would add someone who is honest, loyal, intentional and good at communicating. Definitely hope he finds me soon as well 🤞🏾

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Yes, all those are important qualities too!

      *fingers crossed for both of us* ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  6. mterrazas32 says:

    Then there is still hope for me. If there are women like you still out there then my chance have go up a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      There is hope for all of us singles. There is someone genuinely nice waiting to meet us. 😊

      Like

  7. Srishty says:

    I didn’t have a list in mind but when i tried finding a trendline ( 😀 ) I realized i dated people i could connect values wise. so having similar values (or even ambitions) is definitely up there. only quality i had in mind as a checklist item for a potential partner was honesty. i also feel that there are things about my partner that i hadn’t been actively looking for, but so thankful for. three of those that i want to mention: being comfortable in their skin no matter what, honesty (this i actively sought as i mentioned) and, third, always going over and above what naturally comes to them to go against patriarchical conditioning.

    Like

  8. bosssybabe says:

    I had a list on my phone of my dream guy… and when I met my husband I thought he met all those qualities… but as we grew together we both changed and our perspectives changed… (it wasn’t like he was fake, we just naturally grew into ourselves)… but one of the things I really appreciate about our marriage is our ability to laugh… you know how the experts always say how crucial intimacy is in a relationship? because you are able to connect to your partner in a deeper way and feel safe/vulnerable with them in that space… that’s very true but I also feel the exact same is true for humour in a relationship too (at least for my relationships)… I need to laugh… I need someone to make me laugh or me be able to bring laughter to someone’s day/life… and so a sense of humour (one that aligns with my type of humour) is super important to me… Also, I can’t help it being a tall girl.. they gotta be taller than me lol haha

    Like

  9. Jas krish says:

    To know what one wants is a pre-requisite of getting what you want. A vast majority is not even aware of what they want and try to find satisfaction in/ with what they get. Since your mind is clear you will get what you want…just exercise patience😊😊.God bless you

    Like

  10. Janice Reid says:

    Sounds simple enough 😊.

    Like

  11. My biggest question is how does one find a guy! When I send Hi to a guy, they don’t even reply 😅

    Like

  12. Juliette says:

    This is a great list and for sure dealing with heartbreaks and break-ups is not funny but it sure helps in knowing a bit better what you really want and – most importantly – need. I completely agree with your list and some of the things you mention are exactly what I love about my boyfriend (who is an absolute angel)!

    Like

  13. Kindnes for me is attractive.
    It’s very difficult to find kind people in this lifetime. It would be an honour to have someone with this quality and im glad my boyfriend does tick the kindness box so far😂😂😂😂

    Like

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