Dating Life: Things I Don’t Want In A Man

I had a whole other post scheduled to be posted today but I needed to vent about a bad date I went on recently (read as: last night). I understand that not all dates amount to something and I only ever write about really bad dates or really good dates – cause the ones in the middle are basically just two incompatible yet nice people meeting and having one meal together. So I matched with this guy a few weeks back and while we didn’t chat a lot (cause of his busy work schedule and my bad mental health these past few weeks), our limited interaction was interesting enough for me to be excited about meeting him. Literally 5 minutes into the date, he called me “weird” and had me tearing up because I confessed that I end up cancelling a lot of plans because I am lazy and have social anxiety. I only spent an hour with him but it made me realize that we were SO SO badly mismatched and that he was everything that I didn’t want in a man. I did a post on what I want in a man and it only seemed fitting to do one on what I don’t want in a man courtesy last night’s date.

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com

So what do I not want in a man?

  • Ego – I really can’t stand an egoistic man who finds it hard to admit when they are wrong.
  • Mansplaining – I’ve literally never experienced mansplaining before last night. I asked him some legit questions about his work (mainly to keep the conversation going) and he got on his high horse and started mansplaining stuff that I already knew (he knew I had an MBA degree). I finally had to cut him short to let him know that I knew what he was explaining and that my question was something else. ARGH!
  • Showing off – I can’t stand people who drop brand names or celeb names just cause they think it makes them sound very fancy or high class or just cool. It makes me lose all respect for them.
  • Not respectful of someone else’s viewpoints – At the beginning of the date last night, I mentioned how I’m trying to be vegan for the environment and he immediately tried to disprove that my being vegan will do nothing. ARGHH.
  • Being condescending – I met him for a date in a cafe that was 2.5kms from my place. If it hadn’t been THAT hot, I would have walked to the cafe but instead, I hopped into an autorickshaw (you may know it as a tuk-tuk) to get there. I also planned to take one to get back home after. He gave me so much grief about taking an auto and insisted that I take an Uber. He was downright condescending about it.
  • Not checking if I reached back home safe – Honestly, no matter how bad a date has been, every single guy I’ve met has either dropped me home or checked up later to make sure I got home okay. This guy half-heartedly offered to drop me off first in his cab – which I declined because our homes were in opposite directions. He then insisted I take an Uber home because it is safer and then didn’t even bother to check if I reached home.
  • Not letting me be me – I love me. It has taken me a long time to accept myself and love myself but I finally do. Obviously, I could improve on some shortcomings but I mean I love how quirky and authentic I am. This date was SO judgemental about everything about me. I have recently started doing these 10km walks with a friend over the weekend – he was judgemental about that. I told him I like exploring monuments – judgement. I told him I don’t like crowded places – judgement. I could feel his eyes roll completely back into his stupid eye socket probably all the way up to his oversized brain (ARGHHHHHHHHHH).
  • Being full of themselves – This man could keep talking about himself and his thoughts and his life and his job and his friends. He loved the sound of his own voice. We discussed how we both aren’t big on children and there happened to be some children running around the cafe right then. And he really loudly called them “annoying”, within their parents’ earshot -and as much as I may think something like that – I’d never say it out ALOUD cause why be rude to random people?

*SIGH*

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

I ordered fries on the date and couldn’t finish eating even half but felt so awkward (and judged) that I didn’t even get them packed to take home. ARGHHH X 10!!! I was so annoyed and sad last night. I honestly feel much better after venting in this post! Although I still feel sad that I’m nowhere close to finding my “lebenslangerschicksalsschatz“. Where is he?!? 😦

Share some words of wisdom to keep me going on my quest to find love.

PS: He wasn’t a bad guy we were just hugely incompatible and I’m sure he didn’t have a good time either and is probably bitching about me with his friends.

If you haven’t already, check out my other recent posts –

47 Comments Add yours

  1. cathyishappy says:

    Knowing what you don’t want is way more important than knowing (or thinking you know) what you do want in my view! Keep going, the right man is out there somewhere

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words. Every bad date makes me want to stop trying. 🥺🙈

      Liked by 2 people

      1. cathyishappy says:

        I know the feeling but there has to be someone out there!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

    Ummm, he sounds like a total douche bag! I can’t imagine him being compatible with anyone! You dodged a massive bullet there!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Omg he sounds sooooooooo awful, such a garbage human being! Also, why would he judge you about going for walks? And liking monuments? What the F is wrong with this person? It’s just so infuriating how he walked all over such a sweet authentic soul. You’re sooooo beyond him in maturity, kindness, open-hearted ness, curiosity, intelligence (I’m not impressed with him), and so many other things. It would be amazing to write a fuck u text or something but that would be totally immature 😬 moving on, he sucks ass!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wow, y’all truly were a huge mismatch! What’s the saying — sometimes you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince! So, he wasn’t a frog. He was a toad…glad you didn’t have to kiss him and sorry you had to put up with him for the hour you can’t get back! I hope your next date goes 100 percent better! Mona

    Like

  5. Oh yuck! What a complete prick! After 40 years of dating (omg…) I’ve come to appreciate the assholes for their ability to reinforce my clarity about what I want in and expect from a man. This guy sounds like an asshole×10, who also reinforced your superiority as a kind, intelligent, beautiful human. Keep on loving your gorgeous, authentic self, Moksha!💜

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m sorry! That sounds like a rough date. It is important to find someone you can be yourself with. You’re on the right path! Know your worth and don’t tolerate jerks. Sending good vibes your way.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Happy Panda says:

        Thank you so much ❤️🤗

        Like

    2. Happy Panda says:

      Truly!! It was a nightmare of a date. And thank you for your kind words. ❤️

      Like

  6. Hugs! I’m so sorry this happened to you! I know what you mean about mansplaining. I literally freeze up when that happens. Also, I noticed there are certain levels of mansplaining. I call the worst level dick-splaining

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Hahahaha love that!
      I really don’t get why guys need to feel superior to the women they interact with – argh.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. utahan15 says:

    dating is bullshit. methinks. course i never got a second date.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Haha it is bullshit

      Like

      1. utahan15 says:

        so why participate?

        Like

  8. Hilary Tan says:

    I think this can also apply to women as well (most of the qualities) but yeah. Yikes lol I wouldn’t be able to tolerate someone like that!

    Moral of the story: Don’t be a douchebag.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Yessss. Agreed, gender irrespective – these traits are totally unwanted. And this was a first date where most people put their best foot forward. 🙈

      Like

  9. good points i agree!! 💖

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Thank you ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      1. always Ru! 💖

        Like

  10. Esha says:

    You’d think these are simple qualities people’d know *sigh* I hope you get better dates XD

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      I knooooow! Honestly, this was the first time I’ve met someone with ALL these traits.. usually it’s one or two of these!
      Thank youuu *Fingers crossed for better dates*

      Like

  11. petespringerauthor says:

    Any person who doesn’t respect someone else’s point of view, regardless of whether they agree with it, isn’t worth the time of day. Someone who belittles others, is condescending, or constantly needs their giant ego massaged is not someone anyone would like to be around. It’s better you found out an hour into the date than weeks down the road.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Definitely! But it was a horror show to sit through that one hour especially since I’m very bad at hiding what I’m thinking. 🙈

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Pooja G says:

    Yup, these are all HUGE red flags!! Mansplaining is absolutely unbearable- I swear the next time a man tries to mansplain something to me I’m just stepping on his foot and walking away 😡

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Worst date ever! And yessss!!! Stomp on his foot!!! 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Pooja G says:

        😂😂😂

        Like

  13. Forestwood says:

    Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this douchebag. If this is how he acted on a date, imagine how worse it would get from here on in.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Yesss , my thoughts exactly!! The first date was this bad – it was only bound to get worse. Argh.

      Like

  14. Obong eno says:

    If you can’t find him, build him 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Hooooow? What is this technology? I need it 😛

      Like

      1. Obong eno says:

        You are the tech, the power is in you 🥰

        Like

  15. akshita1776 says:

    I am so sorry you had to go through it. The whole experience sounds terrible

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Arreta🌺 says:

      Tell me about it, the guy sounds like an A grade a**hole

      Like

  16. Arreta🌺 says:

    The fact that he was so bad you had to write a post about him says a lot about how much of a douche bag he is. Well, at least you know your deal breakers, so your dating journey would be easier as you’d be able to sift through the guys

    Like

  17. Funbi kamzee says:

    The fact that you know what you want and not settling for less is 💯. Don’t give up, Someone compatible is on it’s way. Love and light🤗.

    Like

  18. Just think it as a sign from God that he is not thd right man for you! He is just a passerby

    Like

  19. Monica says:

    I’m relieved he showed some of his true colors on the first date. He’s a douche. You dodged a bullet with that one. Thank you, next, next…;)

    Like

  20. Lani says:

    Sorry to hear about this! Makes me wonder how nervous he was, or if he was trying to overcompensate, you know? I’m not saying it was okay how he behaved, but it can help to put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak, because it makes it easier to move on.

    In any case, maybe take a break?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Happy Panda says:

      You know how some people give off a negative vibe? He had a very very negative vibe.
      I hardly go on dates anymore. I try to only meet men that I really really vibe with. This was my first date in 4 months. *Sigh*

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lani says:

        Ooof. Sorry to hear that. Sounds like he’s got a big wall of defense. Bye, bye.

        Yeah, it’s tough because as a collective everyone (except the 1%) seems to be in a rough place. Sigh. Here’s to better days ❤

        Like

  21. Duncan Lory says:

    So, pretty much insensitive narcissists are not your thing? I was happy to hear the “checking if you got home safely” item – I do this, or used to when I dated and wondered if it is appreciated or too much.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Hahah they aren’t anymore (the mistakes I’ve made in my 20s 🤦‍♀️).

      It’s small things like checking up on whether I reached home safe or good morning texts that sets the good ones apart.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Duncan Lory says:

        Good to know.

        Like

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