I’ve been an old school romantic since I was a teenager. I dreamt of a knight in shining armour sweeping me off my feet and “completing” me. I swooned while watching over the top proposals in movies and cried for days while reading romantic books like The Notebook and PS: I Love You. But over the past few years, I’ve become a more practical romantic. I still yearn for love to make my hear skip beats but with conditions applied. Here are some things that I used to find romantic but don’t anymore –
1. Asking a man to choose me over another woman – I remember watching Meredith Grey’s speech in Grey’s Anatomy – asking McDreamy to pick her over his estranged wife. I had goose bumps just thinking about how romantic that gesture and speech was. But now – oh God NO. I recently re-watched that scene and cringed. If I need to beg a guy to choose me over another girl – how healthy can that relationship even be. If he is confused between two women – clearly he doesn’t like either enough to be with them.
2. Airport proposals that stop the girl from pursuing her dream – I hate how romanticized it was to give up your dreams and your career for your love. Funnily in all the 90s and early 00s rom-coms, the woman was expected to give up her dreams for love. I used to swoon over the idea that a guy would chase me through the airport and stop me from pursuing my dreams in a place far away from him. But now I think it’s important to have your own separate fulfilling lives and that one dream (the dream of love) isn’t more important than another (the dream of a career). Also, communication and travel has gotten much easier now.
3. Big fat weddings – I’m not exaggerating but I planned out my big fat wedding when I was 13. I always thought that a huge wedding was romantic – letting people revel in our love. But now I find the idea of a small wedding with just 30-40 close family and friends, more romantic as well as fun.
4. Giving a man who stomped on your heart another chance – As a teen, I used to think it was so romantic when a guy felt remorse for breaking the girl’s heart and gets another chance with her. It’s not romantic for a guy to break your heart and then come back to you. If he’s gone, let him go – close the door and move on. Pursuing him and winning him back doesn’t really seem like a win anymore.
I’ve changed a lot over the past few years – I’ve become more practical and also learnt to put myself first which has led to me not finding these things romantic anymore. What do you not find romantic anymore? What popular trope from books/movies do you think is dated?
I honestly think you should read my other recent posts as well–
Happy Panda 
The whole teen romance cliche of guy suddenly noticing you once you’re pretty and breaking up with the high school mean girl to be with you… I swear I would find that so damn romantic and equally if not more pathetic now.. for many many obvious reasons…
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Changing a bad boy to a loving faithful boyfriend. I’ve always dreamt of meeting a boy who is a serial cheater, cold, mean and never takes women seriously and being the reason why he changes his mind. I wanted that guy to love me so much that he changes everything about himself and becomes the man of my dreams.
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I totally agree with everything you said. I havent watched gray’s anatomy and after reading the cringy line i dont even want to. I used to be a huge romance nerd too but one of the reasons why i have stopped reading a lot of romance novels over the years is because of how much they glorify certain things in a relationship that was not healthy to begin with. I love that you put yourself first. Its so important for women, especially for indian women because we are also trapped by the patriarchy of our society and would always be expected to put others first before ourselves
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Yaaaaas girl!! I agree with all of these and I have found over the years my feelings about certain movies have matured as well 🤣🤣 I think all the same things. You’re such a goddess!! 🌺🌺
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Echoing Avuma’s sentiment of having a partner change for you because you are somehow different/worth it. Like no thanks. I am nothing special. I am not going to save you. My value has no association with your behavior. I am going to find a partner that makes me happy as they currently are (fortunately my status quo).
Also the idea of spontaneity and/or drama = passion. Like I enjoy that my partner and I are pretty boring, routine and predictable. We on occasion fight but we usually then take some space and talk it out and hear each other’s perspectives.
Something I find extremely romantic these days is really liking my partner’s family and having a relationship with their family members as individuals. E.g. the other day I went to lunch with their brother and SIL without them and had a really nice time.
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It seems like in some shows/movies the more a couple fights the more “passion” they have—no thanks.
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#4 Any guy or girl that does that is a glutton for punishment. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.
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Was that Meredith’s speech to McDreamy??? Yuckk I didn’t remember the other parts before “pick me, choose me.” But you’re right, there’s something so desperate in that. That’s why I always say I could never last in Bachelor world! LOL I’d be the drunk girl (only because I couldn’t handle all the ways in which a show like that could mess with my head and self-confidence and emotions)!
My husband and I had a smallish wedding, it was about 60 people compared to others I know who had 125 to 400… ours felt intimate and you’re right, you have so much more fun I find! 🙂
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I guess not something I find less romantic now but I always hate the way relationships are portrayed on social media, as if its without its faults and negatives… I just like things presented realistically and I find that hard to see on social media through rose-coloured glasses…
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I think all these mostly happen in movies! I also don’t feel romantic with these but sometimes while enjoying movies it gives me pleasure 🙂
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Yaa mostly although I’ve personally done 1&4 and regret it. 🙈🙈🙈🙈
I do think that movies need to be a bit more responsible in what they show as acceptable since a lot of people get easily influenced.
Thank you for reading. ☺️
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🙂🥰
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That’s a great list! I hate repeats of those tropes in movies. Another one that makes me want to throw up is guys not taking no for an answer
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I’m right there with you on all of these. I actually had the same reaction rewatching Grey’s Anatomy. Honestly, I know everyone stans Meredith and Derek but I always thought they were both toxic. Like he did so much to get her and then decided to get back together with his wife and then cheat on her with Meredith anyway?? Like, wow.
I really hate the whole giving a man that messed up another chance too. It’s pathetic and most of those women can do so much better.
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I agree with what you said! What we are shown in movies is far more away from reality!
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I agree with you completely! These are signs of a bad partner/unhealthy relationship. I dislike the “bad boy” trope and the one where the guy hates/is mean to everyone but the protagonist. I used to think it was sweet when a grumpy/jerky guy was sweet to one girl—like Jess Mariano in Gilmore Girls, but now I feel like you want to date someone because they’re a good person and kind to those around them. No one should have to change their partner and make them nice. There are sweet people out there that would be so much better
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