Do you ever have those moments when you have a lot that you want to say but nothing comes out of your mouth when you try to say those things out loud? Blank noise. I have so many thoughts whizzing around in my head as I write this post but none coherent enough to make a whole post. I have been avoiding writing here for the sake of writing but the truth is I need to write to feel sane. What has been happening?
- My grandfather was due for minor surgery last week. The hospital we took him to, (supposedly one of the best private hospitals in India) fucked up big time, and his heart and lungs were impacted. We rushed him to another hospital where he was in the ICU for the last few days. They were able to stabilize his vitals but the damage done by the other hospital is irreversible. We got him home yesterday but he is still very weak. Out of my 4 grandparents, I’ve always been closest with my grandfather. I always felt out of place as a chubby kid, but he always made me feel safe and loved. He often said I was his favourite grandchild and I always loved that we had a special bond. I don’t want him to be in pain but I also am not ready to say goodbye yet.
- There is so much hate in the world that it is just disturbing. Starting with the hate Halle Bailey is getting for playing Ariel in the new Little Mermaid movie – COME ON. The move does make me feel like Disney is trying TOO hard to compensate for their lack of diversity and honestly, it would be more logical to have a set of new movies/stories to correct their mistakes. But to hate on Halle – is just downright mean. The happenings in Iran come to mind next. Why is there so much hate for women? Is the oppression against women never going to end? From around the world to India. I run a sustainable brand and use our social media to promote a more sustainable lifestyle. I posted a few days back about how bursting crackers on Diwali is bad for the environment and should be stopped. I legit got so much hate from some fanatic Hindus, who claimed that I am being Hinduphobic by targeting their celebration. (There were no fire crackers when Ram returned to Ayodhya. It is a modern day addition. And yes, I am Hindu too.) It was downright scary. The hate politics going on in India has led to the creation of mindless fanaticism in both Hinduism and Islam – and is scary to see where it is heading.
- I need a vacation so bad. I just need to disappear somewhere for a few days. I haven’t booked anything keeping in mind my grandfather’s health. But maybe end of the year, once he is better, I can finally plan that solo trip.
- My birthday is coming up and I think for the first time in my life, I am completely unexcited about it. I’ve always loved having a whole day celebrating myself but this year, I just don’t want it to come. I am too overwhelmed by the fact I haven’t done much in the last year. Time is just running.
- As much as I want to do more, I constantly feel limited by my abilities and then crawl into my bad and try to ignore everything by sleeping it off.
I am going to work towards changing things and improving things but this year has been a total crap fest. How has your 2022 been?
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