Things I Haven’t Been Liking About Myself This Year

2023 has been a strange year for me. I have been struggling with some things but I’ve also been thriving in some other life aspects. It’s been a year where I’ve already had some really bad lows but it’s also been a year where I have found so many different things that make me happy. I honestly love myself a lot but I have had this goal over the last few years to better myself as a person and here are some things I haven’t been liking about myself in 2023-

(It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me)

1. Social Anxiety – Can I please get rid of just this one type of anxiety already? I have been putting myself out there with networking events, social events but I find it so hard to be my authentic self when interacting with new people. I feel so so anxious and I end up just shutting down completely after a little social engagement. I hate this because I miss out on getting to know so many wonderful people.

Going for heritage walks and not being able to interact with anyone 🙈

2. Controlling behaviour – arghhhh. I’ve definitely got this passed down from my family tree. I love being in control of everything, every one, every plan etc. If things don’t go according to how I plan them out, I get angry or anxious. I have worked on changing this but I still struggle with it. To the point, that I have internal control struggles between my controlling side and the part of me that just wants to chill.

3. Not blogging regularly – I have been struggling with sitting down and putting down my thoughts. I really hate being away from my blog. I’m hoping this post will be gateway back into being able to freely express myself here.

4. Unloving/ Not caring – I’ve always been this person who just wants to give away their love to whoever they come across – friends, family, acquaintances and strangers. But I feel like over the last few years, in an attempt to stop myself from getting hurt, I’ve stopped caring. I’ve stopped loving people as much as I used to. I want to be that person again, who is able to love freely and wholly.

This

5. BED – I’ve struggled with Binge Eating Disorder for most of my life. I got control over it a few years back but over the past year, I slipped back into the comfort of binge eating. I’ve been working on this year since I don’t want to be that person who relies unhealthily on food for comfort.

Food is a high!

6. Trust issues/being vulnerable – I have just so many trust issues. I find it so hard to be vulnerable and open up to people. I have made some progress on this front but I just really wish I could trust someone enough to be able to cry in front of them. I can’t remember the last time I cried in front of someone. (I am literally tearing up while writing this) I have some really amazing friends but I really don’t know why I am not able to be vulnerable with them.

The list isn’t over yet but I don’t want this post to get too long and too sad. I am working on these parts of me that bother me and hopefully 2023 will help me with experiences that help me be a better me. I know people think self love means accepting yourself as you are but that’s not entirely true. It’s also identifying parts of you that you may not like – characteristics that may have developed out of trauma and working on those

What about you? What is something you want to change about yourself?

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13 Comments Add yours

  1. ThingsHelenLoves says:

    I can so, so relate to control issues. I am my own worst enemy. I need to be the organiser and creator of all things, but then I snap and want to know why I never get any help round here. And people around me are like… since when did you accept help?? Wishing you lots of love and positivity moving forward on the things that aren’t serving you.

    Like

  2. joyroses13 says:

    Those are all hard things to struggle with. My heart goes out to you. I cab hear the sincerity in your post of wanting to do better, but sometimes even if we have a strong desire, that isn’t enough. Sometimes we need help from other sources, and there is nothing wrong with that! Have you tried counseling? BED is a serious thing that you don’t want fo get out of control and it can quickly happen before you know it! Please take care of yourself! ❤

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  3. Milena Alien says:

    Hey Happy Panda, thanks for sharing this, I would like to get rid of my insecurities and get over a few things. I also want to blog better, I mean to be a better writer. And I need to be more optimistic about things in general, since I am a bit of a pessimist to be honest…

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  4. Ib says:

    I’m a highly sensitive person but a lot of things get to me and I really hate that about myself.
    But I’m learning to love me for even the bits that I don’t like because I can never be perfect. I’m human

    Like

  5. TCKlaire says:

    I remember when my anxiety was severe (panic attacks left, right and centre), and it was like, “Can you just F- off already, anxiety?!” I can assure you that developing tools to help, including setting healthy boundaries, will make things get better :). I promise ❤

    Like

  6. petespringerauthor says:

    I remember you’ve written before about how it’s hard to trust others and be vulnerable. This is the opposite of your honest and heartfelt posts, where you frequently express your vulnerabilities. I know that’s safer because your readers aren’t in the same room, but you are being courageous when you do that.

    As someone who used to be pretty shy, I realized that most people respect us more when we let our guard down. I’m pretty open about my struggles, but it’s much easier with those you’ve built a certain level of trust with.

    I recently decided to only write a blog post once a month because I wanted to concentrate more on my story writing. While I sometimes miss interacting with fellow bloggers, this is the right path for me. Fewer people will read my posts, but that’s a tradeoff I’m willing to make. It’s nice not having the pressure to create something to blog about every week.

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  7. I totally relate to the social anxiety there are so many things I don’t go to because I know I won’t end up enjoying it as I’ll be worrying and stressed the whole time even though I do want to go!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      On so many occasions, I have gotten dressed up to go for a social event but just haven’t been able to get myself to leave my house. Alcohol definitely helps me relax in social events but I don’t enjoy drinking so..🤷🏽

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Hey, I hope you’re having a wonderful day.

    I can totally relate to the social anxiety. I never realized how quiet and awkward I am until I moved to a new city. I want to speak to strangers more often and feel more comfortable being myself around people.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Panda says:

      Hello! I totally relate. I’ve been going for a lot of social outings and I get super awkward when I have to talk to new people. After every event, I wonder why am I so weird?!? 🙈
      But I guess taking baby steps and just trying will help us get better.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes baby steps is definitely the way to go and I think reading How To Be Yourself by Ellen Hendriksen. I didn’t finish reading the book because I didn’t relate to it at the time but I think I’mma pick it up again.

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  9. Tamara Kulish from https://tamarakulish.com/ says:

    I can relate to so many things you mention here. My best friend has become acceptance – learning to accept myself exactly where I an right now, without losing sight of my personal goals for myself. If I “fall short” I try to look at where I am mentally, physically, and emotionally, and realize that given what is going on, I’m managing well, so giving myself to accept myself where I am right now has become a huge release! Are you struggling with acceptance and this is why the “flaws” seem bigger? – Just asking!

    Like

  10. Juliette says:

    I relate a lot with what you are saying, and the fact that you already identify some of those things is alreadt a huge step. Loving yourself of course means working on what holds you back from fulling enjoying your life, but it also means accepting them and slowly taking the time to move away from them. Regardless of what you consider your “flaws”, you are still 100% worthy of love and affection, and you don’t have to fix that or to be “perfect” to have a great life. It takes time to get past trauma or trauma-induced behaviours, so don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You can also be super proud of yourself for going out and to social outings despite your social anxiety for instance!!

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