Hi A,

I don’t know if you will ever read this. I, also, don’t know if you ever think about me but a romantic song is playing on the radio and our meeting is playing out in my head. The beats of the song match the beats of my heart – slow and pain-filled. Yes, I’m being overly dramatic but if you had stayed long enough to know me better, you’d know that I thrive on drama.

A really long time back I put a lock on my heart to protect myself and with time I got so used to not caring about anyone and anything. And as much as I did want to find love, I liked not being hurt. And now I am hurting and I wish I had lost the key to that lock for good. But if I am wishing for things, I wish that you were a part of my life.

I often wonder why our short encounter has left such a deep mark but maybe matters of the heart can’t be explained with logic. Like why it feels like it’s meant to be every time we talk and why it feels like our souls recognize each other. But some things can be explained by logic. Your emotional unavailability, my disorganized attachment style. Disaster waiting to happen.

And so… we stay away and avoid that disaster.

And yet, I think about you almost every day. Okay, fine. Every day. Some days my thoughts are filled with ‘what-if’ scenarios but most days, I hope that you are happy wherever you are. Are you?

There are so many things that I never got to tell you. Like I only joined that dating app again, hoping we’d right-swipe on each other again. There are so many things that I never got to ask you. Like what is your name?

A for Anonymous, A for…

I want to say something cheesy like – ‘if you ever need me, you know where to find me’ but I know in my heart that you don’t need me.

Be well, farewell.

Yours (for a short time),

M

—xx–

PS: This is a fictional letter. I know it is confusing. It confused me too when I re-read it but works of art are meant to be confusing, no? But some of the emotions hidden in the confusion might be real.

PPS: I usually start the month off with my book reads from the previous month but that post will be coming up this week too. I felt like writing something deep after a really long time, so I decided to post this first.

PPPS: Check out my other recent posts –

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