Adulting is difficult. Despite not having a lot of responsibilities, I still find dealing with adult situations so tricky. I am really bad at confrontations and dealing with my feelings which adds to my woes while dealing with people around me. I have over the past few years started drawing boundaries but where does it end and where does selfishness begin?
Here are some recent adulting woes I’ve had that I don’t know how to deal with-
1. Friendship Woes 1 – I recently went on a trip with one of my oldest friends. We’ve been planning for years and we finally got away for a long weekend trip. But the trip left me feeling super annoyed. Despite being really good friends we haven’t spent more than a day together in the last few years. Spending time together made me realize that she was still the same person from when we became friends but I’m not the same person anymore. I’ve changed in many aspects – some good, some not good. Eg: we used to both be very competitive in college and enjoyed beating the other. Now in my 30s, I don’t partake in competing with anyone other than myself. But she still has that competitive streak, something that in my usual life I count as a toxic trait – wanting to be better than others, wanting to put the other person down. By the end of the trip, I just couldn’t wait to get back home. How do you deal with such things, especially with a close, old friend? How do you deal with not being on the same page as your old friends?
2. Friendship Woes 2 – My childhood best friend and I haven’t been seeing eye to eye over the past few years. We had a major fight a few years back when she was in an abusive relationship but wouldn’t let us help her get out of it. Since then our relationship has been a little strained. We started rebuilding our relationship last year. But she has always had this pattern of prioritizing whomsoever she is dating over me and then running back to me when it doesn’t work out. So when she started seeing someone new a few months back and the pattern started repeating, I brought it up with her and she obviously didn’t agree and things got awkward between us again. And obviously the issue is two sided since I haven’t let go off all the trauma from our past fall-outs. I don’t know how to deal with this situation. Every time there is discord in her relationship, she wants to spend more time with me. Since I hate confrontations, I don’t want to keep bringing up this issue but I also feel kind of taken for granted. Aargh. Who thought friendships would be so messy?
3. Love Woes – I’ve not gone on a date in a few months. I finally decided to get back on a dating app. The last guy I met for a date, the guy I kind of had feelings for swiped right on me and I don’t know why I matched with him again. We started talking and my feelings rushed back despite trying to play it cool. I don’t know why I’m so attracted to him because he is pretty emotionally unavailable and it drives me crazy because I haven’t had feelings for anyone in a really long time. I know it’s not meant to be but I can’t stop thinking about him. I also really don’t feel like going on dates anymore. I can’t convince myself to put myself out there.
4. Life Woes – I have been grappling with an existential crisis over the last few months. I don’t understand the purpose of my existence and life and just so many other questions. What is my purpose in life? What is the meaning of living? Why are we here? Why does the journey end earlier for some people? Am I doing the best I can?
While I prefer adulting to my childhood days, I hate the thoughts and decisions that come with adulting. How do you deal with the many confusing woes that adulting brings with itself? How do you deal with issues in your friendships? Do people outgrow their oldest friends? Any advice?
If you haven’t already, check out my other recent posts –
Happy Panda 
All these are tricky. With online dating my friend picked a guy based on him having exactly the same dog. She had almost given up. They have been together now for a couple of years. They get on so well even though there is 7 years between them…and their Cavoodles play together so nicely. Good luck don’t give up 🙏
LikeLike
grown up
we done more than showin up
admit
we own up too
yeah!
LikeLike
1) (I)…met three of my jnv classmates at a tea shop in Indore. Though I was excited for this meeting not a single word came out of my mouth for continuous 1½ hours, other than “hello” or “hi”.
2) I have this habit of talking on phone calls for hours with my friends.
After leaving jnv I tried to get their contacts and initiate conversations.
Now, they’ve stopped receiving the call.
Worst thing, hardly anyone of them tried to initiate the conversation from their side.
I have stopped calling and receiving such calls. They end up quickly now.
3) I never dated anyone, never thought about it. But the whole thing of missing and getting attracted to someone is mostly relatable.
4) Existential crisis still exist. Probably this is the core of any decision or choice I make.
I have defined my interests to shape a career since school times. I’m preparing for a competitive exam to achieve my aim.
‘I don’t think or plan more than one (present) day.’
5) I really enjoyed reading this blog posts. Because it allowed me to reflect on my ideas & choices relating to yours.
As a reader, a friend and a well wisher I wish best for you. :-)
Stay happy (because you look more beautiful when you’re happy. Lol.😂)
LikeLike
These points are open and straight. Also ‘incomplete’.
I try to manage, uphold or push them on ‘fair’ terms.
LikeLike
Wishing you the best of ease my friend while navigating these real life situations. I do grow out of old friendships – I have realized that I am always changin gas a person, in satisfying and healthy ways and so had to learn to move on from people who don’t seem to be comfortable with me either. It is painful in the beginning to realize this and gets easier as we prioritize self care. The more we give back our well being to ourselves, draw boundaries, more we inch towards clarifying our purpose and meaning in life.
LikeLike
I tend to be that friend who organizes get-togethers for my friends. My experience has been that friends drift apart if someone doesn’t take on this role. Yet, I also understand that sometimes people move on for whatever reason. Many times it has nothing to do with the other person. I don’t mind putting myself out, but our friends must do the same or the friendship gets one-sided. When that happens, I’m still friends with them but I also am not going to keep trying with the same level of effort.
LikeLike
I’m sorry that trip didn’t go as well as you thought. And yes, growing apart can happen to the most engrained friendships. And with your friend who keeps repeating those behaviors of getting in a toxic relationship, there comes a point you have to let her figure it out on her own and no one can do it for her. You’re definitely doing the best you can, especially with all those trips around Delhi you’ve been doing!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think is normal for people to change and grow apart. Some people become lifelong friends and some don’t. Other times people leave and come back into your life and your friendships flourishes again. Some things we just cant control. Hope it works out.
LikeLike
Probably by leaving everything that does not make sense as we become adults is the only way forward…it takes time though to even figure out what doesn’t make sense anymore..
LikeLike