If you have ever dated – you would know how hard it is to decide to date someone. While sometimes there are the obvious red flags, very often your heart plays hooky and blindfolds you to these obvious tell all signs. You would think that I wouldn’t often be in a situation where I have to pick between two guys, guys matching these descriptions exactly – but I have – not once, not twice but 4 times in my entire dating life!!!!! And obviously I have chosen poorly every single time to end up, well here, writing about my dating woes.
First let’s dive into a quick description of the two types of guys I am referring to –
THE GOOD GUY – the quintessential cute, nice guy that you can take home to meet your parents knowing that they will absolutely approve of him. I don’t mean that this guy is necessarily problem free (we all have our baggage) – but they don’t have any glaring red flags and are usually drama free.
THE BAD BOY -These guys aren’t necessarily bad people (some are) but their nature and habits don’t match yours eventually making them toxic to you (and maybe making you toxic to them as well). Most of them have beacons warning you of their every red flag that could potentially break your heart. There is always a lot of DRAMA with these kind of guys. And all of this put together usually makes them incredibly HOT in your eyes. (or is that just me?)
I’ve been in the situation a few times where I’ve had to pick between these two types of guys. Back in college, I was dating a HUGE jerk but I was oblivious to how toxic he was to me. It was my first time being in love and it wasn’t good. While I was dating him, I met this other guy who was really nice and the total opposite of that jerk. And when he expressed his interest in dating me – I was SO SO confused. But I was young and stupid, I decided to follow my heart blindly down the dark alley of pain, hurt and heart break.
You’d think that this crazy heart break would make me wiser in the future – it didn’t. Every single time that I have been in this situation – I have always leaned towards the ‘bad boy’ (maybe I have a self destructive streak..hmmm).
But having grown and learnt from the past experiences, the last time I was in such a situation (which was fairly recently), I went against my usual instincts. I met two boys around the same time for dates and they fit these descriptions to the tee. And ofcourse I was way more into the bad boy. He was crazy intelligent (a quality that I find extremely desirable), we had a lot of chemistry and a lot to talk about but he came with baggage. I was really into him, the kind that makes your heart skip a beat every time you see a message from them on your phone (I am too old to still feel things like this). The good guy was sweet, low on drama and smart too. He had the most adorable dog (who he had adopted from the street) – which was a big reason for me to date him. I decided to do it differently this time around and chose to date the good guy. I was trying to be practical and not end up with my feelings hurt. And would you believe that it didn’t work out either? (OOPS!)
The primary reason it didn’t work was I was constantly second guessing my choice – which was terrible for him. I was clearly more into bad boy and forcing myself to choose practically to avoid getting myself hurt again. But love and relationships can’t be chosen based on our fears, the only factor to consider are your feelings. After a few years of dating and relationships, we often carry around a lot of baggage from our not-so-great past and end up projecting them on future relationships. While it may help you avoid something bad, it could also potentially make you miss out on something great. It is important to recognize red flags and toxic behaviours but not obsess over every single thing the person you are dating does differently from your expectations. Eg: If someone stands you up – move on. But if someone doesn’t send you a good morning message every single morning – chill out or just send them a good morning message instead of waiting for them.
Don’t let your past baggage ruin something good in the present! ❤
Have you ever felt like you’ve let unresolved trauma or baggage from the past ruin something in the present?
PS: I’ve tried to keep my past dating posts very general without sharing too much personal details. But I’m trying to sharing more about my experiences – as fun content as well as for younger people to maybe not make the same mistakes? Let me know what you think!
PPS: Thank you for everyone that replied to the poll on my last post. The topics that got the most votes (they were tied) – personal stories, blogging related and travel. It was really helpful and I kind of know what direction I want my monetized site to go in.
I’m sure you want to read even more of my content, go check out my other recent posts –
Happy Panda 
I’ve read that people with high IQ usually have a harder time staying in love. That explains something about why you didn’t grow wise with time? 😜 No no, no sarcasm or flattery. It’s an actual characteristic of intelligent people I’ve read about online.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Ah – something to tell myself the next time I’m watching a romantic movie and pitying myself. JK! 😀 😀
I think my problem is that I am too scared to fall for someone again (since the last time was really bad) – so my heart chooses badly to avoid going through that again. 😦
LikeLike
Dating is so difficult when the heart wants one type of person and the brain wants another type! I had two difficult marriages, having chosen to be with people I shouldn’t have. Hindsight is always clearer!
Even though I probably should never have been with these men, (and I went through a lot of anguish and anger) I also ended up where I am right now.
Some people are able to make great relationship choices, while others, like us, choose people who aren’t the best for us!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I so get it – I feel like I make the worst relationship choices – my heart has a mind of it’s own and it very rarely makes good choices. 😀
But I get what you mean – it is what brought us here and it seems like there is a bigger plan in action. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like to think that it’s not completely random, that there is a plan! I kelp getting told by people that I had agreed to all my troubles before coming into this life, which does add to my thinking that there is a plan!
LikeLike
I could say SOOOOO much bc I have so many years of experience with this crap ha! You are not weird and def not too old to get excited over a text from a hottie ❤️ I always flip flopped back and forth between HOT ASSHOLE and nice guy that I’m not into. From my experience, 2 things finally happened. 1. I got fucking sick of assholes. But until u do, u might have to keep following your heart and attraction until u just get sick of it. Of course we learn something from every experience, even and especially from assholes! 2. I found that perfect balance of attraction, excitement, desire mixed with good guy vibes. 💓I LOVE hearing about this part of your life (all parts I love!) and appreciate you sharing. You remind me of me in a lot of ways 🌺😊😆 I hope that’s not an insult!! 😬
LikeLiked by 1 person
It is definitely not an insult!!! I think you are one of the few bloggers that I completely relate with.
So the bad boy I met this time around – isn’t an asshole – he just has baggage and I have baggage and we’re just toxic for each other. But I could talk to him for hours and be vulnerable with him. But just.. that I was afraid and he was afraid to trust and we drove each other crazy. *SIGH*
It is funny how I keep imagining these great posts I’ll write once I do find the one – here I am – manifesting it! Pray for me! XX
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, same same girl! And yes ugh double baggage = double misery. I mean we all have a baggage, but it’s like your baggage has to compliment theirs and vice versa ha! I can 💯see this for you, I really can. No idea when but it’ll come if you truly want it. And you want it, I know! Ugh it’s so hard wanting things 💔💔💔 Just keep going and I’ll keep following!! xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
As one of those “good guys,” this used to drive me nuts when I was dating. I can remember thinking to myself, “Can’t she see what a jerk this other guy is?” (I didn’t say it, but I thought it.) In the end, I met a nice girl (she’s not bad on the eyes either) and we’ve been married for 35 years. Sometimes nice guys do end up with the girl in the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know what you mean!!!! Cause I’ve beaten up myself about it – especially since I could clearly see the difference between them but sometimes the heart wants to be a TOTAL idiot. 😀
I love your love story. Can’t wait to find my own. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think in some ways it cab be a thing with many women to go after the bad boys, get hurt and then go for the nice guys
LikeLiked by 2 people
Yup, a lot of them do! But I think finally it boils down to who it is meant to be with. (or something less cliched 😀 )
LikeLike
Yeah for sure!
LikeLike
Thanks for sharing, I love your dating stories! The dilemma is real and I don’t think it matters how old you are to be honest. The important thing is to remember that everyone comes into your life for a reason. If you’re with the wrong person, stay while it’s good and learn from it. But once it turns bad, try to see that the part of your life where they were a big part is over and it’s time to move on. If only I could do that too!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m glad you enjoy the dating stories! I’m really awkward about sharing too much information but also feel that most of my experiences makes for good content so I try to keep a balance. 😀
Agreed. In the beginning, I used to get hung up about every date that went bad but now – I know I just learn from them or get a good laugh out of them. 🙂
I’m sorry I didn’t get the last bit- what can’t you do??
LikeLike
I have never dated anyone. But if I do, in the future, will definitely keep this in mind. Great and unique post!
LikeLike
I had such a horrible experience this one time with a “bad guy”. I don’t know what it is. Everything toxic about them just makes them… insanely attractive? 😂
Just like you, after my horrible experience, I was briefly with a good guy and I did not treat him right at all. I hope to do better.
It’s definitely important to sort out or get rid of your past relationship baggage before getting into another relationship. You don’t want to dump all that on someone innocent. Lol.
LikeLike
Ok so dating two guys at once has only ever happened to me once and it really messed with my mind! Every day that I dated them I would come home after a date a freak out on the phone with my best friend that I was confused and didn’t know what to do! I honestly had so much new sympathy for the bachelor and bachelorettes on TV, lol how do you pick??
They were both perfect at the time and wanted committed relationships and when one lacked a trait, there was another trait he had that made up for it. Chemistry was there for both of them too, which made it exponentially difficult! I even got agree at the lord bc where were these perfect men, even just one of them, in the 10 years prior when I was single??
I ended up breaking up with one and going with my gut then changing my mind then going back then ending it for real. The one I had a gut feeling about, I ended up marrying. 😊
Good luck, girl!!!! There’s no magical formula, it’s just following your guts. But my advice is, date them as long as you can so you can weed out the bad and judge compatibility better!! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Also, shh don’t tell my husband. He doesn’t know he’s 1 of 2. 🙄
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aaaaah I so get you! The entire time I was dating these two – I was like – why couldn’t I have met either at a different point of time.
I love your story – gives me a glimmer of hope and I’ll tell you why at a later time – if things work. I’ve said to much! shhh..
LikeLiked by 1 person