If you have ever dated – you would know how hard it is to decide to date someone. While sometimes there are the obvious red flags, very often your heart plays hooky and blindfolds you to these obvious tell all signs. You would think that I wouldn’t often be in a situation where I have to pick between two guys, guys matching these descriptions exactly – but I have – not once, not twice but 4 times in my entire dating life!!!!! And obviously I have chosen poorly every single time to end up, well here, writing about my dating woes.
First let’s dive into a quick description of the two types of guys I am referring to –
THE GOOD GUY – the quintessential cute, nice guy that you can take home to meet your parents knowing that they will absolutely approve of him. I don’t mean that this guy is necessarily problem free (we all have our baggage) – but they don’t have any glaring red flags and are usually drama free.
THE BAD BOY -These guys aren’t necessarily bad people (some are) but their nature and habits don’t match yours eventually making them toxic to you (and maybe making you toxic to them as well). Most of them have beacons warning you of their every red flag that could potentially break your heart. There is always a lot of DRAMA with these kind of guys. And all of this put together usually makes them incredibly HOT in your eyes. (or is that just me?)
I’ve been in the situation a few times where I’ve had to pick between these two types of guys. Back in college, I was dating a HUGE jerk but I was oblivious to how toxic he was to me. It was my first time being in love and it wasn’t good. While I was dating him, I met this other guy who was really nice and the total opposite of that jerk. And when he expressed his interest in dating me – I was SO SO confused. But I was young and stupid, I decided to follow my heart blindly down the dark alley of pain, hurt and heart break.
You’d think that this crazy heart break would make me wiser in the future – it didn’t. Every single time that I have been in this situation – I have always leaned towards the ‘bad boy’ (maybe I have a self destructive streak..hmmm).
But having grown and learnt from the past experiences, the last time I was in such a situation (which was fairly recently), I went against my usual instincts. I met two boys around the same time for dates and they fit these descriptions to the tee. And ofcourse I was way more into the bad boy. He was crazy intelligent (a quality that I find extremely desirable), we had a lot of chemistry and a lot to talk about but he came with baggage. I was really into him, the kind that makes your heart skip a beat every time you see a message from them on your phone (I am too old to still feel things like this). The good guy was sweet, low on drama and smart too. He had the most adorable dog (who he had adopted from the street) – which was a big reason for me to date him. I decided to do it differently this time around and chose to date the good guy. I was trying to be practical and not end up with my feelings hurt. And would you believe that it didn’t work out either? (OOPS!)
The primary reason it didn’t work was I was constantly second guessing my choice – which was terrible for him. I was clearly more into bad boy and forcing myself to choose practically to avoid getting myself hurt again. But love and relationships can’t be chosen based on our fears, the only factor to consider are your feelings. After a few years of dating and relationships, we often carry around a lot of baggage from our not-so-great past and end up projecting them on future relationships. While it may help you avoid something bad, it could also potentially make you miss out on something great. It is important to recognize red flags and toxic behaviours but not obsess over every single thing the person you are dating does differently from your expectations. Eg: If someone stands you up – move on. But if someone doesn’t send you a good morning message every single morning – chill out or just send them a good morning message instead of waiting for them.
Don’t let your past baggage ruin something good in the present! ❤
Have you ever felt like you’ve let unresolved trauma or baggage from the past ruin something in the present?
PS: I’ve tried to keep my past dating posts very general without sharing too much personal details. But I’m trying to sharing more about my experiences – as fun content as well as for younger people to maybe not make the same mistakes? Let me know what you think!
PPS: Thank you for everyone that replied to the poll on my last post. The topics that got the most votes (they were tied) – personal stories, blogging related and travel. It was really helpful and I kind of know what direction I want my monetized site to go in.
I’m sure you want to read even more of my content, go check out my other recent posts –